10 Reasons Why Men Cheat

The title of 10 Reasons Why Men Cheat (2022) is a misnomer. What writer-director Joseph A. Elmore Jr. labels as “reasons” are lame excuses that only serve to defend selfish behavior rather than address the underlying issues at hand. Cheating consists of a lack of respect for the partnership and a yearning for something new. People cheat based on their personal desires and opportunities. You can’t justify it by listing out various subjective reasons. You can’t condense the complexity of human relationships into a Top Ten. Elmore, however, is not interested in rationale so much as in rationalization — specifically something along the lines of “men don’t cheat on women, women make men cheat on women.” Confirmed bachelor James (Keith Berry II) and his estranged former lover Jaguar St. Claire (LaToya Ward) cross paths at a wedding. This leads to much bickering as to whether he cheated on her, and if he did, why. James, presumably to curry favor with Jag, agrees to let her in on the reasons that men cheat. He swears her to secrecy and resorts to euphemisms (e.g., “potato chips”) because “men can’t just openly talk about women and sex anymore. We can get into a lot of trouble for that shit with the MeToo movement and all that.” Especially when, by “openly talk about women and sex anymore,” he’s referring to a sort of passive-aggressive misogynistic discourse — every reason boils down to something women allegedly are or something women do or don’t do. We learn that “a woman will pick one flavor of potato chip and that becomes all she ever eats.” A man can’t settle on one flavor of potato chip because “they all taste so good.” I’ve heard that before, but with ice cream instead of potato chips. This statement reduces women to a stereotype of being simplistic in their choices while portraying men as more complex and varied in their preferences. It fails to recognize the diversity and individuality of people regardless of gender. The second reason is “ninjas;” i.e, “Any woman who deliberately goes after a married man or any man that’s in a relationship.” Ninjas “have no moral compass” (but a man who cheats on his wife or girlfriend the first chance he gets does?) and “not only make it easy for a man, but they encourage it.” James thinks it’s “funny” that “women are always talking about how men cheat, but who are we cheating with?” As we can see, it’s a case of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” Non-ninjas are punished for their ability to commit while ninjas are shamed for engaging in the same promiscuous conduct as men — which, incidentally, contradicts the One Potato Chip theory. If a man cheats with a “ninja,” the woman is held responsible for being a temptress while the male is pitied for his weakness. This unequal treatment shifts the blame onto women in all circumstances. Even when it’s a man’s fault, it’s some guy other than the one who’s doing the cheating: “We’ve been taught to never love and to sleep with as many women as possible by men who are not good men either, our fathers were cheaters, our grandfathers were even worse.” The next couple of reasons are equally oxymoronic. James claims that “Men don’t care anything about the women that they’re sleeping with, all they care about is sleeping with as many women as possible and then bragging to their boys about it,” only to go on to assert that “a man desires sex with his woman, and it’s the rejection of that desire that opens up the possibility of another woman.” So, which is it? Do men want to sleep with one woman or several? Oh, and of course, the woman is once again held accountable for the man’s wrongdoing. At the same time, “If women could just keep quiet and not tell their friends about where Bigfoot [i.e., a well endowed man] is and where he’s hiding, then those friends wouldn’t try” to go after “Bigfoot.” So, a man can brag to his boys about his conquests, but a woman can’t brag to his girls about Bigfoot? This reinforces negative perceptions of female sexuality as something unclean and impure and not to be spoken or even thought of, when women should be able to express it without fear of judgment or backlash. James’s arguments are characterized by hypocrisy and a tendency to transfer blame. Men expect women to “do as we say, not as we do,” while simultaneously adducing that their own wanton demeanor is a result of “monkey see, monkey do;” that is to say, they’re ostensibly imitating what they accuse women of doing. This double standard reveals a deep-seated misogyny and lack of accountability on the part of men. There’s more. “Women get into a relationship and become something different … all of a sudden, that amazing spontaneous woman has become stale, like old crackers, you don’t put on makeup anymore, you don’t dress up, you rarely even smile.” That’s a two way street. Men let themselves go too. It’s important for both partners to continue putting effort into the relationship to keep things exciting and fresh. Effective communication and mutual respect are vital for a healthy relationship. Yet another reason is “nagging,” to which Jag replies, “the only reason why women nag is because men do so many stupid things.” Stupid things like this movie, which concludes that “the number one reason why men cheat is because we’re afraid to get our hearts broken.” Women must be pretty stupid too; how else to explain that Jag buys into all this malarkey? Unlike, say, Albert Brooks’s brilliant Modern Romance, 10 Reasons is not meant as satire. The filmmaker is deathly earnest about all this nonsense, and the proof is that James doesn’t learn (or unlearn, which would be more appropriate given the circumstances) anything, and he still gets the girl. James may have realized that you shouldn’t throw a perfectly good fish back into the ocean (the fish being Jag, though in his defense, that’s her own ill-conceived metaphor), but there’s no indication that in the future he’ll refrain from casting a wide net, so to speak. The filmmaker’s insistence on maintaining traditional gender roles and dynamics hinders the heroine’s character development as well. Elmore apparently expects Jag — and, by extension, women everywhere — to find consolation in the fact that, next time James cheats on her, at least she’ll know why. This conclusion can’t help leaving a bitter aftertaste. It would have been much more satisfying to see Jag prioritize her own self-worth and find happiness without James, in turn inviting James to ponder on his past mistakes and strive for personal betterment to help him avoid further heartache and uncertainty down the line.